Can You Take a Joke?

An older man and his wife were taking memory lessons.  Their neighbor asked how it was going and the man said, "Just great!  They teach you a wonderful way to remember people's names."

"Who is your instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Well, let's see, what is that flower that is red and grows on a long stem with thorns?"

"A rose."

"Oh yes," said the man, turning to his wife.  "Hey, Rose, what's our teacher's name?"

A horse walked into a bar.  The bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

A penguin walked into a bar and said, "Has my father been in here?"  The bartender said, "I don't know.  What does he look like?"

Ba-dum-bum....

East Coast Fieg Cousins Weather the Storm(s)

The Streets of New York were uncharacteristically empty and food stores were comparatively bare as millions fled from the path of Hurricane Irene.  Over three dozen storm related deaths were reported in 11 states but all the Fieg cousins came through safe and sound.

Sarah Fieg Corkery,  her husband Kevin and their five children were mostly unfettered but Sarah's sister Anna Fieg Dangca and her husband Alan Dangca and their four children, only a few miles away,  were without electicity for three days at last count,  as they were among more than 100,000 New York State Electric & Gas customers whose service failed.

Worse,  Anna's family narrowly missed what might have been much more serious when a large tree snapped,  fell onto the cross timbers of a wooden utility pole and the timbers and insulators fell into their driveway.  It looks like they may be without service for another week,  maybe more.

President Obama has declared New York State a disaster area.  The Thomas E. Dewey thruway was temporarily closed near Diana Monaco's and Bill Doyle's home in the lower  Hudson River Valley.

Lisa Fieg,  ensconced in her apartment only a few hundred yards from the East River in a "mandatory evacuation" zone, refused to leave and was better off for it.  With incessant rain, her roof sprang a leak and she emptied some six gallons of water into the kitchen sink, having captured it in a large pail.  If she had fled, that water would have flooded her floor or the apartments below.

Parts of New Jersey were inundated with water from surging creeks and rivers but Anne and John Roman stayed high and dry in their luxurious town home on higher ground in the greater Piscataway area.

Col. Edward Fieg Sr., having just completed an eight-month tour with the Air Force in Afghanistan, was eager to return home to his loved ones but his flight was backed up for two days in Germany as many U.S. East Coast airports closed.

Ironically, John Roman had been in a shaky area of the state, Atlantic City, during last week's earth-quake, which was felt from Georgia to Maine.  John's car rocked noticeably but he couldn't imagine why until he saw dozens of people emptying out from their buildings.

At first John thought people were outside for some sort of  an entertainment event, until a construction worker explained to him that everyone in his building thought it was going to collapse, and that an earthquake was suspected.

Could a cold, hard winter be the third in the triumvirate of natural disasters for the East Coast?  Find a woolly bear and ask him.

East Coast Fiegs Rocked by Earthquake

On August 23 just before 2:00 p.m., Lisa Fieg thought she was having a dizzy spell at her desk at work.  Then she noticed that the items on her desk were feeling dizzy, too and, much to her surprise, she and her co-workers were advised to evacuate the building due to the effects of a 5.8 earthquake that struck near Mineral, VA slightly affecting communities up and down the eastern seaboard of the U.S.

Lisa did eventually go back into her office but all employees were released from work for the day.

Diana Fieg, sitting at her desk in Croton-on-Hudson, NY, thought it felt like a muscle twitch in her legs and didn't even know about the earthquake until Bill Doyle came home and asked if she had felt it.  "No!" she said.  Then, "Yes!" she said, remembering the strange sensation of earlier in the day.

All is well and no one was injured - in our immediate family or in anyone else's.

The last earthquake of that magnitude struck the East in 1897.

Give Me MORE Signs!

Name of a gynecological/obstetrics clinic in Lakewood, WA: "Babycatchers and More...."   Seen on a business in Corpus Christi, TX:  "Caskets and More...."  And this, sent to me by Greg, certainly stirs one to shop at this business in Ontario, CA! 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

1.  Lisa Fieg has continuously held a New York State driver's license for over 30 years and has driven:

A.  1,000 miles or less

B.  about 100,000 miles

C.  over 250,000 miles

D.  over 1,500,000 miles

2.  One morning shortly after she was married, Judy Kestner descended the stairs in the Florida townhouse she shared with hubby Joe to find him ensconced in the kitchen for the purpose of:

A.  surprising Judy with a lovely breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes and fresh-squeezed OJ
B.  cleaning the room from top to bottom, including mopping the floor and applying a fresh coat of Johnson's wax, after having dropped an open can of motor oil
C.  rebuilding the air-cooled engine of a 1966 Volkswagen beetle on the floor
D.  soaking the carburetor of her 1973 American Motors Hornet in the sink

3.  Phyllis Fieg drives a gray 1984 Buick Century sedan with over one-quarter of a million miles on the odometer and has challenged herself to keep it running as long as possible.  As of the date of this post, the only thing in the car that has not been changed at least twice since its purchase is:

A.  the transmission

B.  the radiator

C.  the engine
D.  Phyllis Fieg

4.  One of Lothar Fieg Sr.'s business associates, Jack Robinson, bought a brand new Chrysler Imperial and, after driving out of the showroom, noticed in the sunlight that the vehicle had a flawed paint job. When the dealer would neither fix it properly nor accept return of the vehicle, Jack Robinson elected to:

A. at a considerable loss to himself, trade it for a new Cadillac De Ville.
B. at a considerable loss to himself, trade it for a new Lincoln Town Car.
C. at a considerable loss to himself, douse the Chrysler with a volatile accelerant, set it afire and turned  it into junk.
D. at a considerable loss of himself, drink an entire can of Drano.
 
5. In the early 1950s, Flo and Dick preferred a Chevy, Jim and Emilie bought Buicks, Bud and Catherine drove Fords while Dorothy and Bob, and Maxine and Bob drove Cadillacs.  Philip and Jean Davie Fieg, however, chose a personal vehicle with a much more unusual nameplate, the same as that of his father's car, which was a:

A.  Willys
B.   Kaiser
C.  Packard
D.  Hudson

6.  When Frank Fieg returned home from the Pacific in 1945 at the end of World War II, he found no new automobiles available because Detroit had devoted production entirely to military vehicles for the past four years. Thus Frank bought a 1939 Pontiac.  Later, his first post-war car bore a nameplate that today most people under age 50 will be unable to recognize.  The brand was:

A.  Nash
B.  DeSoto
C.  Rambler
D. Studebaker

7.  During the 1950s, Frank and Marina Fieg, Jim and Emilie McGonigal and Maxine and Bob Whiteside all chose heavy, high-powered General Motors automobiles built for practicality, comfort and the open road.  Frank's 1954 "Tin Woody"  Pontiac station  wagon, however, differed from the others mechanically in one key feature.  When he brought the car to Milford Center to show it to his sister and brother-in-law,  Frank's nephews Jonny and Tommy McGonigal and other boys from the neighborhood scoffed at this mechanical anomaly, but decided to see the difference for themselves.  When they opened the hood, their faces lit up as if they had just been presented with a cake.  "There it is!" said Tommy.  Before him he beheld:

A.  A genuine diesel locomotive air horn
B.  A Plexiglas, see-through firewall.
C.  A four-barreled, racing carburetor.
D.  An in line, "straight eight" cylinder configuration, instead of a "V-8."

8.  His fledgling career as a stock car racer came to an abrupt end when an oval track collision destroyed his automobile near Syracuse.

A.  Raymon Davie

B.  Victor P. "Phid" Fieg
C.  Dr. Ed Fieg Sr.
D.  Bill Doyle

9.  By the time he was only 10 years old, Cade Dangca had acquired enough knowledge to operate a diesel locomotive, a skill learned from using computer software that created a virtual reality train cab. Another family member, however, has not only acquired the knowledge and ability to run a locomotive but has done so. He is:

A. Richard Fieg 
B. Pete Holm
C. Brian Fieg
D. Richie Bookhout

10.  In the early 1960s, the Philip Fieg family purchased their first brand new, out-of-the-showroom car ever.  To help her remember what kind of car it was, Judy created a mnemonic rhyme that went:

A. "'63 Ford Galaxie"
B.  "'62 light blue Chevy II"
C.  "'61 Lincoln really runs"
D.  "Six-oh Peugeot can go"

ANSWERS:

1.  A

2.  C

3.  D

4.  C
5.  A
6.  B
7.  D
8.  C

9.  A

10. B

Ed Fieg's Tour Winds Down

From Lisa Fieg comes this note from her brother Ed Sr. who is in Afghanistan and ready to come home -- and we are ready as well!

King Bibby (that's his real name) is an American doctor who works with Ed.  Here's an entry King put into his journal for his family.  Said Ed, "I received a lovely note from his mother."

"By now I have become keenly aware that I personify everything the British hate about Americans and it has been very difficult to work with them. I am working in a British facility and by nature they do not offer much flexibility. As a matter of fact they are very narrow minded, overburdened with their own heavy layers of regulatory oversight, and absolutely do not wish to be told any different or tolerate loud and rude Americans such as I was perceived.

Many of the Americans with whom I work would agree and it has been a very frustrating situation. Fortunately, Colonel Ed Fieg, an Air Force Emergency physician with whom I work has been a mentor whose good will and wisdom has been more than any words can describe. I have learned that adversity is the opportunity to achieve good things and prove your naysayers wrong.

One day we had 8 casualties, which was a chaotic mess but as a result of the Colonel’s “mentoring sessions” I took charge and led the other physicians successfully through what needed to be done to provide treatment for all the injuries. My most rewarding moment came when I led a resuscitation and everyone listened intently to me as I directed the medical care. I could tell all eyes were looking to me for direction and I knew I had finally won some acceptance. Ed was smiling at me and it made me feel fantastic. My mentor gave me his approval, which was something I treasured.

These two events were very rewarding for me personally. Nobody really knew how much humiliation I had endured and how hard I had worked to become the senior Medical Officer that I was expected to be in what was for me a very difficult environment.



With that being said, the events of the night of July 31 would test my very last fiber of will to comply with what was being expected of me. At so many levels, I was tired, frustrated, and wanting to go home, at least to my hooch. Ed was the number one ER physician and I was his backup but our unwritten pact is that we stick together with everything and neither one of us goes home until all the work is done.

As the evening approached we both wanted to go home when the steady stream of casualties commenced. At 1045p we thought the end was near when we were told that 6 more low acuity patients were on their way and they would arrive soon. I was miserable. I was tired; the constant gnawing of insatiable hunger was worsening and I was not convinced that the night shift physician really needed our help for the incoming minimally injured Marines.

The nurses wanted us to stay because the night shift physician was new and they thought he might need some additional training. By now I just wanted to scream in misery because I had no desire whatsoever to bend any further for anyone. I was tired of nurses telling me what I should do and tired of the British telling me how to act. My whole body hurt from my longer runs and exercise. I was tired of wearing my uncomfortable uniform. I didn’t have anything more to pour out of my soul, particularly if it wasn’t really needed. All I could do was envision my will as a hardened piece of steel rod that I had to grunt with all my strength to bend. At 130a I finally left the emergency room and five and half hours later was paged again for another patient.

What a debt of gratitude we -- and the British, I might say -- owe to these brave soldiers! Enjoy these photos:

Ed and his "Mercedes"

Ed Fieg in the doctors' lounge in Afghanistan -- counting the days till he's back in the U.S.

The Writer's Block

This week we are fortunate to have two amusing submissions, one from Lisa Fieg and one from her cousin, Phyllis Fieg.  Enjoy!

From the New York Times Metropolitan Diary about eighteen years ago, three entries submitted by Lisa Fieg:

1993
Dear Diary:
The place, Prime Burger Coffee Shop on East 51st Street. The time, lunch hour. I take a seat, locking myself in with the swing-around kindergarten tray when the waiter, who has served me many times before, spots me, then makes a mad dash to the pastry case for the last slice of coconut layer cake. He brings me the cake and we both breathe a sigh of relief.

Dear Diary:
The scene: an Upper East (Side restaurant).  Lisa Fieg hears a woman in the next booth ask the waitress for ranch dressing for her salad. A thoughtful pause before the waitress gives her suggestion."How about Let's Pretend Creamy Italian?" she asks. . . .

1992:
Dear Diary:
I was on the telephone with the Animal Medical Center in New York.

Me: Last night I brought my cat in around midnight, and on my way out the door, a distressed woman came in carrying a badly injured cat, and I'm calling to see how the cat is doing, if he lived.

Attendant: One moment, please . . . (back on the phone) . . . I'm sorry, but we can't tell you anything because you're not family.

The second entry is a fine limerick composed by Phyllis Fieg for her dad, V.P. Fieg, on his 56th birthday (that must have been some celebration -- two poems for the old man!), scanned and inserted below exactly as it appeared on that day in 1980 when it was presented to the birthday boy (who inscribed the date at the bottom in his own hand):

2012 Reunion Plans Under Way

Excitement is building toward the Fieg family reunion of 2012! 

The results of our recent Survey Monkey survey show that the great majority of respondents do plan to attend and want to keep the reunion in the Northeast, specifically in Cooperstown. 

Diana Monaco and Anne Roman are busy researching available lodging there and we will soon publish a list of old and new options with the thought that everyone could simply choose a location to stay, as we did in 2009.  Several people suggested that they wanted more face-to-face time to catch up and renew the familial bonds and with that in mind we are looking into some of the larger hotels and motels where more of us could stay and which could be used as a "home base" for meet-and-greet events.

If you have suggestions, let us know and we'll be sure to build them into the plan, man.

Can't wait!!

The Writer's Block Debuts

We have some very talented writers in our family, some of whom have even published a thing or two.

This feature will highlight some of their oeuvres and I hope you'll enjoy what you read.

The first work is a poem submitted by Jean Davie Fieg.  She writes, "Seems fitting for me to submit something concerning the founder of the FFN as a contribution to it, so here goes.  This was written in honor of Victor Philip Fieg's 56th birthday on April 23, 1980 and opens with a short preface."

Dear Philip,

Because the Hallmark Greeting Card Company
never heard of V.P. Fieg,
no commercial message, printed by machine,
and composed by some bright-eyed young/old thing
could ever
capture
the birthday wishes in the way your
birthday wishes should come
to be expressed, on this 56th birthday
so, here is a non-commercial message, from one of your loyal
sponsors, quote/unquote.

To the man
who built a stone wall,
set a chimney, or two,
sheetrocked a bedroom ceiling
in a two-hundred-year old tenant house,
   Happy Birthday!
   You survived.
To the man
who piloted planes
and ships,
   Happy Birthday,
   you sailed.
To the man
who put up fences;
some were cedar wood
shaped from living trees,
   you defined.
To the man who picked up litter
on an ocean beach and tossed empty beer cans
left by unschooled fisherfolk -
and tourists -
you showed faith.
To the man who built a deck
among the trees
and over a brooklet,
   you made beauty.
To the man who had choices
and chose to write
a book for children,
   congratulations,
you are necessary.
To the man
who learned the game of bridge
with pencil and paper
from televised instructions,
and sometimes
was a perfect partner.
   You adapt.
To the man
who thinks
nobody notices
when he planes down stuck doors,
oils hinges,
chops wood for lovely
cozy winterfires,
changes light bulbs,
solves basement leakages,
shovels snow with gritted teeth,
pays our bills,
kills bugs,
wants a nice lawn and works towards one,
fixes and mends,
creates and learns,
   Happy Birthday.
You see,
I have only touched on
the most obvious reasons
why you deserve
a happy birthday....
with so much left unwritten,
little wonder
the Hallmark
Greeting Card Company
does not attempt
specificities.

                Lavaciously yours,
                        Jean

(Thanks, Mom!)

Can You Feature That? Word Paintings from July 2011

Judy Kestner watering the foundation of her house in dry Corpus Christi, TX -- not so it will grow, but so it does not crack any further...! Cade Dangca FINALLY being allowed to drive by his dad, Alan....  Richard Clancy, 23-year-old son of Kathy and Brian Clancy of Cooperstown, visiting his Uncle John Boggs and Aunt Jennifer Adcock in Oakland, CA to see how he likes it there....  Diana Monaco admiring her back bedrooms which have been newly renovated after a large tree branch fell through the roof during a windstorm.... Ben Bookhout reading 31 (!) "happy birthday" messages on Facebook on July 28.... 

Drop That Name -- You're Under Arrest!

WHILE WAITING IN AN AIRPORT many years ago, Judy Kestner looked up as passengers disembarked from a flight and locked eyes with the poet Maya Angelou. What happened next lives vividly in Judy's memory:

A. Both women smiled slightly and nodded to each other and Angelou walked past Judy and into the ladies' room.

B. Judy stood, grasped Angelou's hand and gushed how she had loved "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" for such a long time that the writer had to firmly pull her hand free and rush away with an unbelieving backward glance.

C. While the women were looking at each other, Angelou tripped and fell to the floor, the contents of her purse spilling every which way.

D. Several reporters approached Angelou, shouting and asking questions, and the look in her eyes changed from a friendly "hello" to "HELP!"
 
ANSWER:  Judy believes that Maya Angelou will forever be indebted to her because she did not impede the woman's progress to the rest room.  The Answer is A.
 
 
ONE AFTERNOON DURING THE TIME he worked on the Broadway show "Chicago," Roger Monaco was taken by Jerry Orbach, one of the show's stars, to the home of:

A. Frank "Punchy" Illiano in Brooklyn, a member of the Genovese crime family, who was fascinated by Roger's stellar magic tricks.

B. Jerry's son, Tony, whose wife fixed them a lunch of tuna salad with spice cake and coffee for dessert.

C. Jerry's mother, Emily, in the Bronx and promptly fell asleep on the couch, leaving Roger alone in the kitchen with Mrs. Orbach, trying to make conversation.

D. author Kurt Vonnegut, one of Orbach's biggest fans, where Kurt played a recording of "Promises, Promises" for which Orbach won a Tony Award, and had Orbach autograph the album cover.

 
ANSWER:  Jerry Orbach was a consummate actor, and many accolades have been heaped upon him in not only in life but also after his death, in 2004 at the age of 69, of prostate cancer, but according to Roger, one of Orbach's most surprising claims to fame was that he knew "every" mafioso on the East Coast.  Again, the answer is A.
 
 

IN 1988 ROGER MONACO was working on the Jackie Mason one-man show "The World According to Me." One afternoon Mason, on his way out to lunch, told Roger that one of his friends was on his way to the theater and asked Roger to send him to the Edison Coffee Shop. There was a knock at the door and Roger opened it to see Jack Paar. What happened next is a fond memory for Roger as he

A. talked Paar into sitting with him for a few minutes so he could show him some magic, and heard Paar say, "You have amazed me, and I'm not easily amazed."

B. walked Paar to the coffee shop, chatting amicably with the former Tonight Show host all the way.

C. took out his wallet and handed $20 to Paar who admitted that he didn't have enough cash on him to buy lunch at the Edison.

D. saw, out of the corner of his eye, several of his co-workers peering around a corner, enviously watching him chatting with the TV star.
 
ANSWER:  Jack Paar, known to be unpredictable and emotional, was witty and had a somewhat dry sense of humor.  The guests on his late-night TV show ran the gamut from well-known politicians and entertainers to the Muppets and, evidently, Jackie Mason.  Roger was thrilled to accompany Paar to the Edison Coffee Shop and reunite the two friends.  The answer is B.


WHEN DIANA FIEG MONACO WAS INVITED to the posh Manhattan apartment of Sting, the rock and roll idol and former lead singer for The Police, she was startled when she came through the door because:

A.  though Diana was in evening clothes, Sting and all his guests were dressed in Greek togas.

B.  Sting leaned forward and gave Diana a big kiss.

C.  Sting had been drinking so much that Diana had to steady him as he "escorted" her into the party.

D.  Sting stinks.

ANSWER:  Sting, born Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, was in New York performing in the 1989 revival of "Threepenny Opera" on Broadway.  Through her ex-husband, Roger Monaco, who was working the lights on the show, Diana snagged the invite to a cast party at Sting's lodgings but was slightly shocked that Sting displayed such affection, especially in front of her husband!  The answer is B.


KEVIN AND ANNE WHITESIDE STILL, visiting the fabulous Caribbean Turks and Caicos Islands, were granted permission to visit Parrot Cay, the pre-eminent private island that is home to Bruce Willis, Kirstie Alley, Mick Jagger and other high-profile public personalities, but only on the condition that they not speak to or otherwise disturb any of the celebrities.  Kevin, however, disregarded the protocol when he bumped into Bruce Willis because:

A.  Willis was standing on his foot.

B.  Willis was wearing a T-shirt from Purdue U., alma mater of Kevin's two sons.

C.  Willis was wearing a green and yellow John Deere tractor cap.

D.  Kevin mistook Willis for Humphrey Bogart, exclaiming, "Bogey!  I thought you were dead!"

ANSWER:  Willis, the 5' 8" A-list actor, is so self-effacing that he has compared himself to a cross between Humphrey Bogart and Fred Flintstone.  His commonality is part of his charm and on this day, slumming in a John Deere cap, he reminded Kevin of his rural Indiana customers to whom he sells grain, fertilizer and fuel.  He said, "Hey, I like your hat.  I'm the general manager of an agriculture supply company."  Willis replied, "Good for you."  The answer, therefore, is C.


LISA FIEG AND ACTOR PAUL REUBENS share one thing in common:
A. both Paul and Lisa live on the same street in Long Island City.

B. both Paul and Lisa attended the now defunct Bugbee Middle School, then a private institution in Oneonta, NY.

C. both Paul and Lisa can often be seen lining up for fresh clams at the New Fulton Fish Market in the Bronx.

D. both Paul and Lisa get their hair styled at Liz Russell's Third Avenue Salon.

ANSWER:  Paul Reubens, better known as Pee Wee Herman, was born in Peekskill, NY and eventually graduated from high school in Sarasota, FL but in between those milestones, Reubens and his family lived in Oneonta, home of the Bugbee School which was a campus school for the State University at Oneonta. Bugbee opened for students in grades K-8 in September 1932.  Ninth grade and kindergarten were later added and the school graduated its last class in 1975.  Herman's childhood experiences in Oneonta and as a Bugbee alumnus made such an impression that he speaks fondly of them to this day, though he and Lisa never met.  The surprising answer is B!